Relative to a post from last week about the struggle of having given someone a big part of yourself to only be mysteriously disappeared… my friend K.L. posted this yesterday, and I couldn’t not share.
The habit of self-blame and obsessive revisiting to every conversation to try to figure out what happened when things change abruptly in life is one I would love to break. Maybe this reminder will help. Of course I wonder… To have someone say to you “we let ourselves get carried away by our feelings” (isn’t that the point?) after an intentional relationship was built is rough. Also, inaccurate, but I guess I can only speak from my perspective.
For now, this:
Sometimes people walk away from love because it is so beautiful that it terrifies them. Sometimes they leave because the connection shines a bright light on their dark places and they are not ready to work them through. Sometimes they run away because they are not developmentally prepared to merge with another- they have more individuation work to do first. Sometimes they take off because love is not a priority in their lives- they have another path and purpose to walk first. Sometimes they end it because they prefer a relationship that is more practical than conscious, one that does not threaten the ways that they organize reality. Because so many of us carry shame, we have a tendency to personalize love’s leavings, triggered by the rejection and feelings of abandonment. But this is not always true. Sometimes it has nothing to do with us. Sometimes the one who leaves is just not ready to hold it safe. Sometimes they know something we don’t- they know their limits at that moment in time. Real love is no easy path- readiness is everything. May we grieve loss without personalizing it. May we learn to love ourselves in the absence of the lover. ~ Jeff Brown
It’s all good.
Back to being funny soon…. I am thinking of starting a series called, “Things men have actually said to me out loud.” Except none of you will believe they are real….