Today is the first of December, which officially marks the end of DEVOLSON. This is a good thing. And frankly, moving towards the end of 2014 seems like it is also a good thing for a lot of people. But for me, I feel like it has not been that bad. I mean, there have definitely been some unexpected challenges, but over all I feel like 2014 has been pretty good to me.
So it was surprising to me to hear someone say they were so sorry my life is so shitty.
I had to think about this.
I am alive. To my knowledge, I do not have cancer. I have a good job. I have a nice place to live. I have good friends. I have enough to eat. I have new shoes. I have fabulous trips to amazing places lined up. I have cats.
None of that sounds so shitty.
I am sad right now. But I am sad right now because that is the kind of person I am and when things happen around me that are sad, like dear friends passing, or getting sick, I get sad. I get sad when I remember people I have lost. I get sad when I think about times I could have been more kind. I get sad when I have high hopes for something and it doesn’t come to fruition, but I am not ever sorry for hoping… in spite of the warnings against expectations. So, I guess I am emotional. I was told that I am too emotional this year. On more than one occasion. But that is just how I am.
For a pragmatist, I am actually much more emotional that I should be. I am a hopeless romantic who continues to take ridiculous chances for whims of the heart. [That is emotion in action, and it is often kicking my ass.] I am passionately supportive of my friends. I am ever defensive of my family, even if they drive me insane (just a little bit once in a while, of course.)
But in the end, I am okay with that, because the alternative is too heartbreaking for words. Imagine never having the chance to be swept away by your feelings… sometimes thrilling, sometimes cathartic, sometimes a maudlin tragedy. I can’t imagine that life.
So, tonight, on the first of December at the official end of DEVOLSON, I can look back at this year and say truthfully that the saddest moments have brought me the most clarity.
And all of it was transformative. Not shitty.
Really, you cannot ask for a whole lot more than that.