In my first week of summer break this year I have made a very intentional effort to pay attention to what I am doing, how I am spending my time and how I am feeling about it all. It has been pretty good so far. Under freakishly warm and sunny San Francisco skies, I have done yoga every day. I have gone out to fancy dinners and had take out in the park. I have read one novel and started another. I have watched a ton of soccer. And baseball. I have taken a lot of pictures of my cats. I have vacuumed. I have enjoyed some great cocktails. And cold beer. I have gone home and I have been home. I have cooked good food. I have fought a summer cold (victory uncertain at this point.) I have appreciated my urban situation more and more as I take advantage of the neighborhood and the ease of life in a place where everything is nearby, and no one really cares what you are wearing or who you are with. And I have appreciated having a traditional ‘hometown.’ I have hung with new friends and old friends and my parents and my parents friends.
I have also greatly enjoyed the feeling of being unburdened from negative people – although this bonus was relatively unplanned, it has been wonderful. No more fear about ‘doing something wrong,’ or ‘saying something wrong,’ or that the way I think or feel is “wrong.” No more suffering hideous treatment, only to then be told that it has to do with something else “this is really hard for me!”), or worse, that I somehow brought it on myself (“YOU did…”) No more having to worry about how someone will react – always so unpredictably – and just feeling generally bad about it all. No more having to worry about needing to build/repair/maintain other people’s bridges. It is so freeing I can only imagine that this is the light of summer manifesting.
People always say to be kind – and this is not always easy, but damn, does it pay off. I am so glad that the circumstances of my summer have allowed me (forced me?) to literally and metaphorically walk away from so many situations that I know would only have brought out the worst in me. I have been amazed at the kindness reciprocated from kindness.
So far this summer has been warm (too warm if you worry about drought, fires, and global warming) in a literal sense, though more so in a figurative way. When you stop placing yourself around people who only talk shit about everyone and everything, things look a lot better (duh.) And the positive energy – as silly as this sounds – is real and changes everything. It even gives you the strength to fight the good fight against those things pull at your fundamental sense of right and wrong.
So on the eve of the longest day of the year up here in the Northern hemisphere – everything feels light. I will spend the solstice day at the ballpark – what better place? – and watch the sun go down over San Francisco when it finally does.
And what of the remaining nine (almost) weeks of my summer break? I look forward to enjoying the light, even as it begins to diminish, from Carmel, Vegas, Hong Kong, Thailand, and this beautiful city by the Bay. I have a stack of books to read, a new camera lens, an open heart, and a true sense of freedom.